So I just purchased these today. OXYELITE PRO! I'm excited to start using them tomorrow.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I don't really know whats wrong with me lately. I'm in some sort of funk I guess. I'm definitely not myself. I think it has something to do with me not having a job and not really doing anything meaningful anymore. I've been looking for jobs and it's mad stressful because there is no where around here that's hiring.
I've decided that I'm going to take advantage of my long term vacation that I'm on and do something that will better myself. I've written down things that bother me or things that I really want to focus on and over come, or become more knowledgeable on. They really just include things like getting to know myself better, my dreams, my fears, my future plans. My family, my marriage, and this really weird obsession I have that either myself or someone I love is going to die, like an untimely death. It's something that I think about all the time. I dwell on it and I can tell it's not healthy.
So for the next 8 days I'm going to be spending a lot of time with myself. I think its very necessary right now in my life. I need some happy in my life. If that makes any sense. I'm going to try and blog a little bit about it everyday, but we'll see how that goes.
For the past two weeks I've been freaking out a little bit. My period is mad late and it kinda made me a bit nervous. I dont know why, cuz my period is never on a normal schedule.
Last week I had a dream that Sam and I had a baby. She was a beautiful baby girl. In my dream she was probably like 6-8 months old and she was a gorgeous baby. She was happy and smart and everything I want my future child to be. She even had a a little bow in her hair. In the dream, Sam was trying to take a picture of me and the baby. He was calling her to try and get her attention. He was saying "Sydney, look over here... Sydneyyyy, over here." Then he took the picture and showed it to me and then I woke up.
I never had a dream of me as a mother before. So that kinda freaked me out. Then last night at dinner there was this adorable little baby at the table across from us. Sam and I were talking and then out of no where I hear the babies father call the baby Sydney. I was BUGGING OUT! I told Sam and he was a little uneasy about it considering I told him about my dream. It's not that Sydney is a rare name or anything but it was just a crazy coincidence I guess.
It was enough to make me go crazy later that night. I couldn't sleep. I got in the car at 3:30am and went to Walgreens. It was closed. Went to CVS. It was closed too. Drove passed Wal-Mart. CLOSED! The only place that was open was WaWa and they didn't sell any pregnancy tests. So I went back home and waited until this morning and I went to Target.
I came home alone cuz Sam had to go to work. The first test I tried came up with an error cuz I guess I did it wrong. (Yeah I know, I'm an idiot that doesn't know how to use a pregnancy test). Then I waiting about an hour until I had to pee again and took one... And.....
All I have to say is thank goodness! I'm not going to lie though. There was probably 45 seconds of me thinking what it would be like to have a baby at this time in my life and it made me a little happy. But I know I'm not ready.
But when Sam and I are ready it's going to be great!
Sorry to bore you with my little weekend scare!